Giving Really Does Lead

To Receiving

By Bob Burg

Whenever I speak on the topic of Networking, I always make sure to provide my definition of what the term "Networking" means to me.

By and large, the very concept is misunderstood and carries with it a somewhat negative preconceived notion (i.e., shove as many business cards into people's faces as you can while telling them all about yourself and your products or services while attending a one-hour business/social mixer).

I define Networking as "The cultivating of mutually beneficial, give and take, win/win relationships..

As you can see, the emphasis is on the "give" part.

"But wait," the person asks, "Isn't that just Pollyanna-type thinking that doesn't work in the real world?"

Not at all. Giving works.

Let me say it again. Giving works!

And there's nothing "Pollyanna" about it. Giving works both from a practical, as well as spiritual side. Let's look though, at just the practical side.

What I call "The Golden Rule" of Networking is, "All things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those people they know, like and trust."

When we give to - or do something for - someone, we take an important step toward causing those "know, like and trust" feelings toward us in that other person. I've often said that the best way to get business and get referrals is to first give business and give referrals.

Why? Because when someone knows you care about them enough to send business their way, they feel good about you. No, they feel great about you, and desire to give back to you.

Of course, it doesn't have to be actual business that you give. It could be information, whether that information is something that would help them in regard to their business, personal, social, or recreational lives.

Perhaps you suggested a book (or bought them that book) that you know would be of true value to that person.

Maybe you knew their son or daughter was looking for work at a certain company and, knowing someone there who knew the personnel director, you made a call and put in the kind word that helped ensure employment.

It really doesn't matter. Allow me, if you will, to share one example from my personal life. This took place several years after I had begun speaking professionally. There was one corporate client in particular - one with many divisions - I had been trying to "land." However, I could not seem to even get a foot in the door. Not only that, I couldn't even find the door to try and stick my foot in.

It happened that at a Speakers' convention I met a man who had been speaking professionally for quite a while. I struck up a friendship with him and his family and looked forward to seeing them at various events.

During that time, despite the fact that I knew he was quite successful, I never asked him for anything. I did, however, help him as much as I could. Several times, when I was already booked for an engagement on a certain date, I would refer him to the person from the company who had called me.

Having articles published fairly often in magazines, I would refer him as a contributor to the editor. This was appreciated by all parties, of course, and didn't take anything from me in any way. That's one of the great things about giving; it helps everyone and hurts no one.

It was only a couple of years after meeting him that I found out, through a third party, that the client I had been unsuccessfully seeking, was a major client of this speaker friend of mine.

Now, I probably could have come right out and asked him for help but I didn't feel that would be quite right. I didn't want him to feel that because I had gone out of my way for him that he "owed" me anything. I did feel comfortable, however, asking for his advice on how I might myself best pursue them.

I said to him, "I know this is a huge client of yours and am not in any way asking for you to make a connection for me. I'd love to know, though, how would be the best way for me to contact the person myself to at least let them know who I am and how I could help them, so that I get the opportunity to establish and develop a relationship?"

Well, to make a long story end, he would have none of that.

He said, "I'll have the guy who's my main contact call you."

And he did.

And that client, together will all the spin-off engagements I've had wetting that company's umbrella over the years has accounted for several million dollars in sales.

And that was not the first, and certainly not the only time, that giving first has literally paid big financial dividends. It's the way I run my business; it's the way I run my life.

Giving first works.

There is a major caution here, however: You cannot give with the expectation of direct reciprocation or, for that matter, any reciprocation.

This won't work if you are thinking, "Okay, what is he or she going to do for me?"

Not that you might not get something in return. But that something will more than likely be a one-time something, done out of obligation, and not inspiring the "know you, like you, and trust you" feelings toward you from that other person that will elicit this person desiring to see you successful.

No, give because it's the right thing, without the expectation of direct reciprocation, and you'll find this principle to be one of the truest of universal truths.

Bob Burg speaks internationally on the topics of "Business Networking" and "Positive Persuasion Skills." His books "Endless Referrals" and "Winning Without Intimidation" have each sold over 100,000 copies. To subscribe to Bob's free weekly email newsletter, visit

　

"Love must be the guiding principle in all our giving."

--James A. Decker, Magnificent Decision

布施确实必致获得

By Bob Burg

每当我说到“网络”的时候，我总是要强调我所说的“网络”的含义。

一般说来，“网络”这个概念总是被人们所误解 —— 很多人先入为主地把一些负面的意义和它联系在一起（例如，在参加一个只有一小时的商务/社交聚会的时候，尽可能多的把你的名片塞到别人手里；滔滔不绝的向别人介绍你的公司和你的产品等）。

但我将“网络”定义为：对互利、互惠、双赢关系的培养。

如您所见，这里面强调的是“布施”。

“等一下！”你可能会问，“这岂不是那些盲目乐观者的天真思路，在现实社会中根本行不通的那种吗？”

你错了。“布施”行得通。

我再说一遍：“布施”真的行得通。

这里面绝对没有任何“过分乐观”的成分。不论是在精神层面，还是在物质层面，“布施”都行得通。不过，我们现在还是先看看“物质”层面吧。

有一条我称之为关于“网络”的“黄金定律”，即：“在所有条件等同的情况下，人们倾向于和那些他们熟悉、喜爱和信任的人做生意，或推荐生意机会给这样的人。”

当我们向某人布施 —— 或者为其服务 —— 的时候，我们就是在朝向“熟悉、喜爱和信任”迈出了重要的一步。 我常说，获得生意机会和推荐的最好途径，就是给予他人生意机会和推荐。

为什么这样说呢？因为当对方知道你对他很关心，甚至要推荐生意机会给他时，他会对你有良好的印象 —— 更确切的说，是“极好的印象”，并愿意为此而回报于你。

当然，也不是说你只能布施“生意”，你也能布施别的东西，例如信息，不管这个信息使有关对方生意的，还使有关对方个人、社交、甚至娱乐的。

你也可你向别人推荐（或赠送）书籍，只要你确认那是对彼真正有价值的。

也许你得知某人的孩子正在谋求某个公司的一个职位，而你恰巧认识该公司的人事经理，你可以打一个电话过去，向对方推荐这个孩子，帮助他获得这个工作机会。

具体“布施”什么并不重要。请允许我与您分享一则我自己经历的一件事情。那时我已经专职从事主题演讲好几年了，有一位我一直想接触的客户 —— 他管理着好几个分支机构 —— 但我却找不到一个 切入的机会；可以说，我连如何去找这样的机会都不知道。

后来，在一次演讲者的会议上，我认识了一个老资格的演讲专家。我设法与他及其家人结交，并尽量找机会和他们接触。

那时，虽然我知道他是一位成功人士，但我从来没有向他索求过什么；我只是在我力所能及的范围内尽力的帮助他。有好几次，我都已经和商家约定好了，但我最后 还是推荐他与商家合作。

因为我常在杂志上发表文章，所以我还经常向编辑们推荐他作为投稿者——这对我来说并不损失什么，但对他来说却是一个极好的宣传。这就是布施的奇妙之处：它对任何人都有好处，却不会有损任何人的利益。

几年后我通过其他人知道，那位我一直想接触但不得其门而入的客户，正是这位演讲家的主要客户之一。

也许我现在可以直接向这位资深演讲家提出引荐的请求，但我觉得这样做不太好。我不想让他感觉到由于我超乎常情地帮助他而使他“欠”了我什么。不过，我可以向他请教与该客户交往的最佳方法和途径。

我对他说：“我知道这是你的一个大客户，我并不是想让你引荐我。不过，我确实想知道，如果我想和这样的客户联络，最佳的途经是什么；我想起码要让他们知道我是谁，我能为他们做些什么，以为将来进一步发展关系打下基础。”

唔...长话短说吧，他根本没按我说的来——

他说：“我让我经常联系的那个家伙给你打电话！”

他说到做到。

这位客户，连同我几年来一直企盼他的公司的业务，给我带来了数百万元的销售业绩。

这件事不是第一个，当然更不是唯一一个“提前布施将带来丰厚回报”的例子。这是我运作我的生意的方式。这是我运作我的生活的方式。

提前布施真的很灵。

不过请您一定要警惕：您不能以直接或间接的利益互换的心理而进行布施。

实际上，如果你这样想：“他/她能给我什么好处？”带着这样的心理去布施，布施法则就不灵了。

作者附注：按佛教的原理，只有“不期望回报”的“无住相布施”，功德才是最大的（参见《金刚经》）。因此，上面的话说得更精确些，应为：怀着对布施的回报的期望而布施，所获得的福德回报反而会小得多。

这并不是说你不会得到回报，而是说，你得到的可能只是一种“一次性”的东西，是一种出于“义务”的行为；它不大可能激发人们对你的“熟悉、喜爱和信任”的感觉，从而不能引致人们乐于看到你的成功。

布施——仅仅因为它是我们应当做的、正当的事情；免除对直接利益交换的期望心理，你会发现，“布施/回报”的法则，是最为真实和普适的。

Bob Burg 是跨国专题演讲家，他的主题是关于“商务网络”和“正向说服技巧”。他还著有《无限推荐》和《无胁而胜》，其销量都超过 100,000 册。如果你希望注册他的免费电子周刊，请访问。

　

“爱是一切布施的总导。”

——James A. Decker, 《高尚的决定》